There is an NGO in my country whose aim is to “promote healthy lifestyles, sexual health, HIV/AIDS prevention, gender equality and citizen engagement.” Given the high HIV/AIDS rates in sub-Saharan Africa, these may sound like reasonable and even noble goals.
However, I have grown wary of organisations such as these that often operate by claiming to work towards one thing, while masking a more diabolic agenda. A perfect example would be the Maputo Protocol; under the pretext of eradicating Female Genital Mutilation (FGM), its real aim is the legalisation of abortion throughout the continent. However, this and other matters will be discussed at a different time.
Today I want to talk about an article posted on this NGO’s website about a couple’s story on cohabitation. Titled ‘Living and Loving together’ they discuss their reasons for choosing to live together, even when it was not what their parents preferred. The man, whose profession in the public eye would make him easily recognisable to their targeted audience, talks about being attracted to his partner’s independence. She mentions that she “didn’t need a ring or a wedding” as long as she was in-love.
It is difficult to tell from the article if the couple is now married, a fact that I find interesting. What is clear is that they cohabited for at least four years and during that time, they had a child. They paint a very rosy picture of a ‘modern’ couple living and loving together, contrary to their parents’ beliefs, whose views are regarded as old-fashioned and retrograde.
For cohabiting couples, numerous studies point to a reality that is anything but rosy. One such study is published by the Ottawa-based Vanier Institute of the Family. Authored by Anne-Marie Ambert, the arguments against cohabitation are overwhelming. Listed below are some of the findings:
Cohabitation before marriage seems to raise the risk of divorce later on
Newly married couples who had cohabited before marriage had much higher rates of premarital violence than those who had not lived together
Couples that are cohabiting are less faithful to their partners sexually
Children brought up in a household where the couple is cohabiting experience more instability
It is difficult to see how endorsing cohabitation promotes any of the NGO’s supposed objectives listed in the opening paragraph. Encouraging behaviour which goes against our established mores will not solve Africa’s problems. On the contrary, the spread of HIV/AIDS will be exacerbated under these alternative lifestyles, and we will face new challenges like the breakdown of the family unit as can be seen in the West.
Irrespective of religious, social or ethnic background, we all want to have happy and fulfilling relationships. There is a simple formula that works: abstinence before marriage, faithfulness within it, mutual love and respect and openness to children. This worked for my grandparents and after close to 60 years of marriage, my grandfather still introduced my grandmother as his bride and queen. Theirs is the kind of love story that I believe everyone would hope for….